Estranged

Couldn’t go to class today. Not sure what that was about. Partly it was because my eyes were closing and my chin dropping by 5pm but partly because I knew it would mean conditioning for an hour plus which today was equal to forcing, pushing and struggling. I lost some faith in the process of struggling and to commit your energy you need to believe. Don’t get me wrong, you have to condition, to be strong, to protect yourself, to challenge your mentality and physicality, all of this is an absolute necessity to grow. I know this, I know this, I know this. So what’s the problem (apart from thinking to much?! :.)).

I feel there is a lot to be said for alignment. The peripheries of the body function more effectively when the spine is aligned as weight is distributed properly and muscle chains can function sequentially. The principle of alignment can be taken more broadly to suggest that if your head, heart and body are all heading in the same direction you have unity which brings economy, clarity, and fluidity. If you are running contradictory systems then the point of contradiction leads to tension and struggle.

Its not that I’m wanting to give up. It just feels like hammering away isn’t sensible in a ‘if you do what you always do you get what you always get”. Its hard not to have a voice that says I ‘should’ be able to do this by now (‘this’ signifying kongs outdoors, running precisions, tic tacs etc). The frustration is that I have spent 8 years training very physicality and for 4 years very intensively; a lot of work focusing on form, on flow, on tactility, on dynamic, rhythm, coordination. All of which should be transferable skills but during Parkour they seemed to be locked inside a room labeled ‘Out Of Reach’, my normally communicative body desserts me and I’m left alone with my doubts. I tend to be a holistic kind of girl so I’m listening. However I respect that maybe the best advice is maybe Just Get On With It!!!. The commitment was to keep training and to keep moving and so tonight I took a beginners acrobatics class so that in some way I can say to myself "Yes! I kept moving!".

I also tried out Thomas’ challenge: hanging off a round railing for 2 mins. In 2 attempts I managed 1 min and 1.01 and it’s the fingers that aren’t up to it!.